Whoops

Soooo, my aspirations of being the next Lane Smith or Dan Yaccarino will have to wait. Tonight I came home from work and found a very very mushy ceiling in the back room of our house. Anyone who has been to our humble abode has probably seen this yucky ceiling with its shiny popcorn finish and its many colorful patches and spots.

We are lucky enough to have a flat-type roof covering a bedroom, closet, bathroom, and part of the kitchen. The ceilings back here look sewn together by half-blind tailors who had many, many different kinds of fabric and many, many cocktails.

I went ahead and started scraping off the icky ceiling so I could examine its underbelly. Our ceilings appear (at least in the bedroom) all plaster under that attractive popcorn! I found some cracks and some minor holes which worry me, but no gushers or trapped water to speak of. We did have an awful amount of rain, and I took a moment to wish for a popped roofing nail or a cracked seam.

It turns out I was right. It was all that and many more terrible and unspeakable horrors. There was also a BIG depression directly above the discolored and mushy ceiling.

I would like to pause here for a moment to mention this is not the first time I have "fixed" this roof. I have been on this pile of tinder many times patching, caulking and cursing. That's right, I said caulking. Well anyhoo, I knew this was going to take some real initiative and creativity. Not to mention some cursing. Lots of cursing. And sweating. Did I mention it is hot outside? I didn't? Well, anyway, I digress.

Sooooo, what I did next you see was to get my trusty caulking gun and some roof cement and go to work. First spreading the cement over popped nails, possible cracks and then applying the remainder of the tube all over the depression area. Why you ask? I don't know. Oh, did I mention it was 9:00 p.m.? Oh, I didn't? Well, just so you know, since I am not a freaking owl or have a budget for night vision goggles, it was just a little difficult to tell exactly what I was doing. OK. Off the subject. AGAIN. I do love to do that. Anyway, I then proceeded to borrow some plastic from my next door neighbor and duct tape a big sheet over the patch and most of the roof from East to West. That's right, DUCT TAPE. YEEHAW! I done fixed it for now! What's next? I am on a roll over here!

It's supposed to rain later tonight and all day tomorrow and it was dark out, did I mention it was dark? Oh I did? OK. So anyway, my options were limited. Were there other options, you ask? Maybe, but when you have no money and it is PITCH BLACK OUTSIDE, a roll of duct tape and 10 yards of plastic seems mighty brilliant. And when the forecast calls for two or three days of sunny skies, I will rip off the sticky mess and try to figure out some more options. Anyone know a roofer who works cheap? I mean like a pat on the back and a couple of beers cheap? Let me know. I'll even splurge for Michelob!